Drifting.

[Winter 1,707 / 25,777]

 

Disclaimer: I'm not resigning yet. Chances are when I get to that point I just won't be arsed to write one. Maybe a big long tag list but I wanted to talk a little more on this.

 

Disclaimer II: 

I'm not on the "GFL is corrupt" train or the "Toxicity is too much" train; I'm just running out of steam.

It may be very evident at this point, but I am seriously losing my mojo. It's getting really difficult for me to find the motivation to go to my computer to work for GFL. 

 

I love GFL. I've poured my heart and soul out for this community for the past 2 and a half years. In fact, this is the first gaming community I've ever joined. I've learned so much and met so many awesome people (many of whom have also came and went.) and it hurts my heart to write this right now. I hate feeling like I'm drifting away from the community that I still love a lot but there's really no other explanation for what I'm seeing.

 

GFL is not the same as it was. *see disclaimer II

 

So many people have come and gone, so many servers have come and gone, so many staff, and I've seen a lot and done a lot. It's been amazing but the feel I get from the community is very different now. I'm in no way upset with the community, but those select few are not wrong when they say GFL has changed massively.

 

I don't want to leave, I don't want Deathrun to die, I don't want to let down this community. I just feel like I've done the extent of my personal limits. Putting the same kind of hours into working on server management that never seems to pay off, it really doesn't feel worth it anymore. That doesn't help.

 

I love managing, just Deathrun in general has mostly lost my interest. I want someone reliable and fresh to take it over but it seems the search for that kind of person is not happening, despite my requests. GFL Murder was what brought me to this community and I miss it. The idea of a revival has been gaining a lot of support lately and I would love to go back to it. Deathrun has been great as well, but I definitely think that Murder is where I should be staying.  The servers shutting down are not what has been driving me away (especially given that happened a long time ago) but I am sure that if it is reopened I would stay longer. This isn't some sort of "bring it back or i'm leaving" dumbass demand, simply my thoughts. Calm your tits.

 

However, real life has also gotten busy. Marching band has already started and the school year isn't far behind. I'm going to be doing baseball in the fall as well. This isn't very out of the way but I already won't be super active even if I get my motivation back somehow.

 

I don't want to leave Games For Life. I really don't. However, I also can't keep burning myself out even more, and I don't want to be more of a burden than I already am/have been. This community has been very good to me. I'm literally tearing up writing this post. Whether I stay or not, each and every one of you will be dear to my heart, whether you liked me or hated me.

 

-I'll spare you all the long ping list for now. I'll make one later if i change my mind or feel like writing more.-

 

It's getting really difficult for me. I'm sorry for any activity I may have between Deathrun and Discord Mod. I just need a break. I hope it doesn't come to me actually leaving the community.

 

Love you all.

Edited August 14, 2018 by Winter

[Akris 806 / 18,197]

I love you bb <3 will always remember our times on deathrun. I get it after awhile you get burnt out just stay safe.

[Akris 806 / 18,197]

9 minutes ago, Winter said:

'll spare you all the long ping list for now

If I don't get a ping when you leave I will kill myself

[TheJitFace 699 / 18,162]

Winter please stay. 

[Joshy 4,364 / 44,940]

The most important thing you can do is to pass the torch, effectively clone yourself (your way of thinking that is) and to stage the next person for success.

 

Change can be difficult for individuals and it might look like a bad thing, but it can be a great thing for the community.  The pool of players is frequently changing and sticking to "the good old days" wont cut it after a while.

 

Whatever we're doing for these less reputable modes may not be working and it might need a touch from the next generation; furthermore: It needs some nurturing.  I've seen it far too often where a slowly growing small community is frowned more upon than a bigger community dying.  We have too many kids here who struggle to understand trade and time, and they've seen the positive reputation they can gain from good numbers despite its ultimately weak outcome; unfortunately: our leadership has reinforced this with a lot of their decisions and our members have seen the consequences of failure, the bad end of a fair risk or a mistake...  it's really too bad because we're missing out, and you could imagine which road most prefer to take.

 

[NOT-LAW 183 / 4,921]

Hmu to play some games whether you stay or go my man, ur fun to be around.

[Random Noise 375 / 10,936]

I agree with bringing a Murder server back. The only time I've ever, and I mean EVER, felt like I was having pure fun was back when I played on the Potato servers. The people who played on it were funny as hell and I loved playing on it. Someone even gave out large sums of their currency "potatoes", in which I got a fair lot of. Now, I wasn't part of the community in any way, but I felt the server itself was it's own community. Now however, their server is completely different, completely boring, and I also didn't have any of my potatoes. When I first played on it, it was back in early 2015, three years ago. This was also back when I had first created my steam account in late 2014 with the name "origamizombie135". I would then have the name to be "superhandyman" until it settled on "mario_the_man". I've never felt the way I did on that server since. If GFL had a Murder server again, it better damn be like TTT, but with one difference: it's taken less seriously. The only reason I was bored with the new Potato server was simply because it was pure gameplay, nothing at all fun. The only reason I had fun before was because I could mess around, have fun, and just play the game. The maps we're great too, I remember a mansion map, a snowy castle map, and a map that was in a forest, with two towers on one side and a crashed train on the other. I also remember a plain castle, with some secret teleporters and a lab. Those were my favorite maps ever. Now, don't get me wrong, I love TTT, but I would love even more to be able to go back three years time and experience those same emotions I felt playing Murder. I'll probably apply for admin after I get the necessary hours, if I feel I can do the role(I don't know what Murder admins would do besides mute/gag for spam, and ban for hacking/ghosting).

 

Man, that was something, now wasn't it? I felt so moved by this post that I decided to make this long paragraph about wanting GFL to put back up the Murder server, even though I've never played the original GFL Murder server. Anyways, take my message as you wish.

 

TLDR: I want a Murder server where I can reminesce about the good ol days and become a power hungry admin

[RiptogateGaming 66 / 4,172]

Well. I've been here quite a while and left because I couldn't handle the fact that GFL seems to be dying slowly to my eyes. So much people and so much servers are going away and getting taken down. Winter you were probably be my best friend of this online community. No doubt I always had fun with you and you probably hated me for trying to demote you once lmao but thanks for making GFL an even better place for me. Love ya

 

[Eli 708 / 11,596]

i mean its just a game so what does it matter

[King_Wailord 965 / 15,582]

gFl iS cORrUPT!

[Clufy 130 / 4,329]

@Winter i know i haven't known you for a long time, but we have talked and i don't know if you really know me that well yet (i hope so). Yes i wasn't here for murder, and i kinda regret that, i was in other servers hopping around. let me just jump straight to the point, from what I've seen you do with deathrun you're not a bad manager. it really bugs me when you say that you kill every server that you manage, but you only managed murder, before deathrun so its not like you managed like 4 servers and they all died. Murder and deathrun are one of the most played servers on gmod. So there's a lot of competition (i know you know this but) so its hard to bring it back up if people leave, if people leave they don't see the server if they don't see the server they don't play it (people are lazy just scroll down). Well i just wanted to say don't leave or it'll hurt my feels very bads.