Public Image vs Actual Image

[_Rocket_ 656 / 8,277]

Honestly, I'm not for sure if I should tag this as "Psychology" because it really isn't. It's more of just... I guess a rant? Maybe it's me opening up a bit since I've been in GFL for over a month now.

 

Public Image is something that is often faked. And for good reason. Let's say you're going into a job interview. If you're being rude, swearing, etc. Your chances of getting that job are about as likely as winning the lottery twice in a row. However, there's some people who change how they act so they appear more professional in the public eye. This especially applies to anyone who has a higher position like staff. You wouldn't see a business representative drinking and flirting with a bunch of people, right?

 

I am one of those people. I tend to put on a heavy filter for public eyes to come off as professional and reasonable. And on the internet I somewhat do the same thing. Not exactly to the extent of a job interview, not that formal. I just like to keep some form of formality when I do my day to day browsing of the web.

 

But the truth is, I am not that formal. If anything... Hell I'm pretty damn demented hahaha. I'm a dirty dog, I can watch a real life video (as in not fake or in a movie, actually recorded on a phone or camera) of someone's head getting blown off and not even flinch, I'm far from formal. And often times I ask myself if keeping a formal tone is really worth it.

 

There are only a couple of people I remove my filter around. And usually it's only MOST but not all of that filter. There's only one friend I have who I talk to without a single filter on. So 95% of the time I'm not actually showing everyone who I really am. I tend to show a watered down, more innocent version of me.

 

I do it because I'd rather not weird people out and scare them away, right? I want people to see me as someone they can trust, not someone they need to stay away from. And that's honestly what confuses me the most. Some people just can't trust others when they are like me. I'm not innocent in the slightest, but I try to appear as innocent so others around me can actually talk to me. More often than not, if I ever started talking about someone getting their guts ripped out, they'd give me a really damn weird look.

 

I've always been a little conflicted on showing the kind of person I really am. Because I'm no innocent little programmer boy like most see me. I may be a programmer boy, but I am far from innocent. I am the kind of person who respects honesty and openness. But when I'm being myself, most people tend to get creeped out, right? They don't like how open I can be.

 

Shit, I love dirty and dark humor. I can be vulgar as hell. I can say some pretty hurtful stuff. If I didn't hold my tongue back, I'd probably already have a few enemies by now.

 

Point is... I'm making this post to hear what you guys think on this topic. I know some of you guys sometimes share your opinions on posts. I'd genuinely like to hear what you all think. And no, don't start telling me "Oh Don't worry, you can open up around us here we won't judge". I just want to hear your opinions on the subject of public Image vs real image. Completely forget what I have said and just say what you think haha.

 

Thanks for reading. This is probably the first time I've opened up a bit in this community. I wouldn't be surprised if I got a few eyebrows raised. It wouldn't be the first time. So I frankly don't care.

 

I should mention that I don't care what others think of me. I am only keeping a clean public image so people can actually trust me and know I'm someone they can talk to and ask questions from. I'm pretty sure new GFL members wouldn't even approach me if I spent my days talking about people getting gutted hahaha

[KeiraJJ 44 / 5,175]

Honestly, I feel the exact same way. I always have a mask up whether IRL or online I don't know anyone online that I really can let my guard down and just be myself with. I try to be nice since if i'm rude people won't wanna talk to me. I try to be helpful (mostly 'cause I like helping others) and 'cause I feel like it makes me useful. I'm into weird stuff too. Can't say I could watch someone's head get blown off IRL, I hate gorey stuff. But uhh I like weird stuff too. Lol,

I try to act mature since being called "a 12 year old squeaker" kinda sucks.  

Where as if i didn't bite my tongue.. well let's just not try to imagine a scenario like that.

So I guess I've got a "filter" too.

 

 

 

 

[_Rocket_ 656 / 8,277]

1 minute ago, KeiraJJ said:

Honestly, I feel the exact same way. I always have a mask up whether IRL or online I don't know anyone online that I really can let my guard down and just be myself with. I try to be nice since if i'm rude people won't wanna talk to me. I try to be helpful (mostly 'cause I like helping others) and 'cause I feel like it makes me useful. I'm into weird stuff too. Can't say I could watch someone's head get blown off IRL, I hate gorey stuff. But uhh I like weird stuff too. Lol,

I try to act mature since being called "a 12 year old squeaker" kinda sucks.  

Where as if i didn't bite my tongue.. well let's just not try to imagine a scenario like that.

So I guess I've got a "filter" too.

 

 

 

 

We all have our quirks. I just... Have more quirks than usual hahaha. Being into weird things isn't something that should be looked down upon.

 

My rule is this: if what you like doesn't take advantage of others and doesn't exploit people in any way, it's fine with me. For instance, child porn is horrible because you are watching someone take advantage of a child that doesn't know better. That child could be forever tainted if not traumatized. If you can like something like that, I genuinely believe there is something wrong with you.

 

However, if you are into anything like really unique fetishes or really gore-filled imagery, then so what? I strongly believe you shouldn't be judged by that. You cannot control what you like in the end. I may have some things that I like. Some things that I'm not exactly proud of. However, it's just who I am.

[Apzue 7 / 762]

The natural balance of behaving how society expects you to and letting yourself go a little every once in a while is what helps people understand how you are unique. But you can say or do what you want to pretty safely if you have a solid understanding of where you are and what happens there regularly, I like to call it pockets of society.

 

For example you can generally wear whatever weird shit you want to when in LA or Portland. Or, you can always give people shitty looks and be a little bit of a jerk in Chicago. And however you are, i'm sure there's a few pockets around with similarities. That's why it's important to sink a few years into learning about as many cultures around the world as you possibly can, and then finding ways to communicate with the ones ya like. 

 

Also there were a bunch of good sites for gore/death like 10 years ago but most have gone. There was one called bloodshows dot org, but I hated that because it was just like tumblr for that stuff. One very good site that is and always has been up is the bestgore dot com, and that site is actually backed by the UN. And thats because almost every image or video that's posted on that site also has a couple pages telling what happened. So it's treated a bit like very visceral news made by the community.

 

As for music, the subgenre of metal called grind often stems out to Goregrind, Pornogoregrind(the fetishization of that sort of stuff), and cyberpornogoregrind.

Do yourself a favour though, don't listen to that cyber stuff, it's pretty bad.

Edited September 24, 2019 by Apzue

[Lunar Blade 178 / 3,309]

It's definitely normal to act different. Some friends from high school got PS4's like, Senior year and we started playing together. I'm a very quiet person normally. But when I started getting into the games and having fun, I started opening up much more. I didn't think anything of it until they commented on it. I didn't change after that obviously. But it was nice to hear that they believed they were seeing more of me, and were still there playing games with me. 

 

But well, events have made me even more shy when it comes to new people. Text is one thing. I feel as though text can never show who I truly am, and never keeps me attached to anything. So I suppose that's part of why I've yet to use a microphone on the servers here. 

[Liloz01 1,256 / 19,825]

Something I like to reflect on often is how people view me, because you can say you don't care but it does have an effect on you no matter what. The way that people perceive you matters, it determiners how they treat you; if people percieve you as a hard ass, they're likely to not interact with you. If you are too jovial, people are likely to not take you seriously but this isn't always true since it depends on your envirnoment, who you're talking to, even what recent events have occured, etc.

 

It's a hard thing to balance and utilise. I try to speak in a similar manner, public or private. It's just how I like to be however this does not mean my willingness to disclose information is the same in both scenarios. I like to speak as such because I don't want to surprise anyone, I don't want people to be taken aback by seeing "The hidden side of Liloz", there isn't one. Kind of. I obviously filter personal crap where necessary.

 

This is all personal opinion, you, as far as I can tell, Rocket, wish to be "reserved" in public, I respect that. I find being more "open" works for me.

[Joshy 4,364 / 44,927]

It's not the same topic, but I bring it up because it sounds like it may be of interest to you; it's also fun to reflect on what people in GFL were kind of like 2-3 years ago (admittedly not too many detailed or heart-felt responses, but what can you expect from the internet).

 

 

Just for a thought-experiment: Throw yourself into a position where it's okay to lift that veil and show people what it's like underneath.  Is it true that at all job interviews, that you need to be a perfectly clean person?  How about other positions like EMTs and paramedics?  Do I want saints and nuns scraping our bodies off the freeway and retching on their patient while they are trying to work on them, but it's too nasty for them to handle.  You want that passion and value of saving a life, but maybe they need to be desensitized to get the job done.

 

Sometimes what's under the veil isn't so ugly, but rather you are curious to see what people are like without knowing.

 

My public image much like my reputation goes through many cycles.  It's very difficult to tune if I try.  It's not that I deliberately use that veil or a filter you spoke of, but sample rate and the environment...  context...  it steers what my public image looks like.  It's like measuring temperature.  If I gave you glass of water that is 90 °F (32 °C) on a cold day, then you'd probably tell me that I gave you hot water.  What if I give you the same glass of water on a day that is 120 °F (49 °C)?

[_Rocket_ 656 / 8,277]

4 hours ago, Apzue said:

The natural balance of behaving how society expects you to and letting yourself go a little every once in a while is what helps people understand how you are unique. But you can say or do what you want to pretty safely if you have a solid understanding of where you are and what happens there regularly, I like to call it pockets of society.

 

Honestly, I don't like how societies try to censor people. I'm not a very judgemental person at all. If you're acting dumb I might judge you a little, but if you have some weird fetish or some dark secret, I wouldn't judge you in the slightest and I'd try to be as comforting as possible. Things like the media look down on things like excessive violence or things like cartoons getting sexualized.

 

I'll still try to be a somewhat functional person in society, anyways. I don't completely censor myself, but I do heavily censor a few particularly dark parts of my personality.

 

4 hours ago, Lunar Blade said:

Some friends from high school got PS4's like, Senior year and we started playing together. I'm a very quiet person normally. But when I started getting into the games and having fun, I started opening up much more. I didn't think anything of it until they commented on it. I didn't change after that obviously. But it was nice to hear that they believed they were seeing more of me, and were still there playing games with me. 

[...]

But well, events have made me even more shy when it comes to new people.

You just prefer to only show yourself around friends. And I can relate.

 

I am... Pretty knowledgeable for my age. People have always told me I'm very mature for my age, even when I was just 12 or 13. This has been kind of a curse sometimes.

 

I tend to talk about heavy subject matter around my closest friends. Depression, suicide, rape, violence, etc. That's mainly because it's the kind of thing that I am more interested in. It brings up really interesting discussions that I have a really nice time experiencing. Most kids my age always gave short responses like "ok" or "um" if I ever tried talking about this kind of stuff. And often times when I tried to open up, they'd get uncomfortable.

 

It's why I only open up to friends I know I can open up to. Usually I'll open up more if they open up to me more. I tend to say I act like a "mirror". The more open you are around me, I'll likely mirror that. I can be an incredibly open person... Sometimes a little too open even.

 

And there's a few things from @Liloz01's post I'd like to talk about. I honestly respect your mindset as well. Acting like yourself around everyone is something I can really admire, if anything.

 

When I say "I don't care about what others think of me" I'm more focused on my quirks than my attitude. I know if a lot of people are avoiding me, it gives me a reason to reflect. Because honestly, I've done a lot of reflecting in 2019, and it made me realize some insecurities that I needed to fix. But I don't care if people hate me for what I like. Their opinions have no weight on me.

 

I'll probably continue having a more "filtered" tongue in public eyes. But I might open up a bit in GFL. I think I can be a little less filtered around here.

 

And @Joshy I honestly really like how you used a veil to symbolize this topic.

 

I may have been mature for my age for a while now, but trust me I was still pretty naive on some things. I made mistakes as a kid. But I've grown to learn from them.

 

And I do understand what you are saying. Atmosphere can make you open up more than you would normally. It's like what Lunar Blade said. When he was playing some games and having fun with friends, he opened up without even realizing it. I can often times be the same way. I'll usually be mature and collected, but sometimes you might catch a glimpse of my madness here and there.

 

This discussion has honestly been really enjoyable so far. Thanks everyone who has responded so far.

[_Rocket_ 656 / 8,277]

sigh Might as well open up a bit then.

 

 

About the violence thing for instance. I do not have a fetish of any kind when involving gore or violence. I did know someone who had something like it, and I really didn't mind. But it's nothing sexual with me.

 

It's more just interesting and kind of exciting. Seeing the anatomy in that way, right? You often only see the organs and the innards of a person in models or text books. It's super interesting when you get to see it more "in person". So it's kind of like... Well let's say there was a video of a car crash aftermath. There's guts and brain matter scattered everywhere (I won't go into details because I don't want to make anyone sick). Most people would cringe and look away. However I would probably look even closer and just analyze it all. It's just interesting to me. Idk I might be a sociopath, I wouldn't doubt it.

 

 

Aaand here's another little quirk about me... I'm a furry yaaay (no one is surprised I know).

 

I don't care about fursuits (though I do sometimes like looking at them). And I don't care about fursonas either. I just happen to like some things that furries like. But I'd rather not be identified as a furry. It's just something I like for some reason. I don't know why I like it, and if I had a choice I wouldn't like it. But I do.

 

This is at most 5% of my quirks. Like i said, I'm a demented individual hahaha. I might wind up on the FBI watchlist soon, I'll let you know when it happens.

 

In the end, if you respect me less just because I'm a filthy furry, or because I like seeing brain matter, I really don't care. You do you.

 

Just let you all know, I haven't really opened up like this publicly to a community before. So yey, you now know to keep a gun pointed at me at all times. You never know if I might wind up going on a rampage 😄

[Leks 2,304 / 26,632]

45 minutes ago, _Rocket_ said:

I might wind up on the FBI watchlist soon, I'll let you know when it happens.

 

 

[Rena 2,779 / 33,617]

What the fuck is happening

[_Rocket_ 656 / 8,277]

Just now, Pachimo said:

What the fuck is happening

I think we're all bonding or something. We might want to be careful, Roy is watching us all after all. Unless he's taking care of the kids in his basement of course hahaha

[Toni Bamanaboni 211 / 4,778]

uhh all these new niggas weird af, but I'm here for it 

[Rena 2,779 / 33,617]

smh

[Toni Bamanaboni 211 / 4,778]

1 minute ago, Pachimo said:

smh

?????? wanna fight 

[Male_08 403 / 0]

11 hours ago, KeiraJJ said:

Honestly, I feel the exact same way. I always have a mask up whether IRL or online I don't know anyone online that I really can let my guard down and just be myself with. I try to be nice since if i'm rude people won't wanna talk to me. I try to be helpful (mostly 'cause I like helping others) and 'cause I feel like it makes me useful. I'm into weird stuff too. Can't say I could watch someone's head get blown off IRL, I hate gorey stuff. But uhh I like weird stuff too. Lol,

I try to act mature since being called "a 12 year old squeaker" kinda sucks.  

Where as if i didn't bite my tongue.. well let's just not try to imagine a scenario like that.

So I guess I've got a "filter" too.

 

 

 

 

I honestly thought you weren't 12 and you were just joking because you're way more mature than me lol

[Male_08 403 / 0]

I only act different whenever I'm new to some place, whether it's in a game or not. I usually only start opening up more when I know a good deal of people and they know me which can sometimes take over three years. The only thing I would say I've been hiding that's not my personality is that I'm a Christian. I'm sure no one is surprised.

3 hours ago, _Rocket_ said:

Aaand here's another little quirk about me... I'm a furry yaaay (no one is surprised I know).

Wait what. I certainly am surprised.

 

Oh and, I'm not the "hardcore" Christian people think of by default. I'm not going to make fun of you because of your beliefs 

Edited September 24, 2019 by Supreme leader 049

[_Rocket_ 656 / 8,277]

17 minutes ago, Supreme leader 049 said:

Oh and, I'm not the "hardcore" Christian people think of by default. I'm not going to make fun of you because of your beliefs 

I am actually a christian as well. Am I one of the weirdest christians out there? Probably. But I believe in it. I was just never incredibly religious.

[Male_08 403 / 0]

2 minutes ago, _Rocket_ said:

I am actually a christian as well. Am I one of the weirdest christians out there? Probably. But I believe in it. I was just never incredibly religious.

You're not even close to the weirdest of Christians out there. A while back I knew quite a few that were incredibly weird. 

[Ben 2,378 / 31,861]

19 minutes ago, _Rocket_ said:

I am actually a christian as well. Am I one of the weirdest christians out there? Probably. But I believe in it. I was just never incredibly religious.

Not really, I'm Christian too, and I've met some weirdest Christians on internet.

 

This conspiracy theory guy told me some weird stuff like Hollywood actors worshipping the devil and that Earth is flat. I refused to listen/accept the belief and he immediately tells me that I'm denying the truth and that I can't handle it.