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Posts posted by EJ.

  1. 1 minute ago, myPHART said:

    And before you guys slam me for 'not knowing shit,' I was diagnosed with cancer about a month ago. Not to mention I've been struggling with an addiction for God knows how long. I know what depression is. I know how it feels. It's real, and it fucking hurts.

    It is cancer? Damn. Hopefully it isn't too major, and everything will get cleared up soon. My aunt has breast cancer currently, and she has to take Chemo Pills everyday for the next 5 Years.

  2. I am too young to vote, but I am glad that Donald Trump is the president.

     

    He does seem to have a nice plan on how he's going to run things for now, the only thing I am mad about is the LGBT+ things he has done so far (that is, if anything have been passed).

     

    I do hope he does well, and I am kinda mad that people are still mad about him winning, and the #NotMyPresident thing is getting really old. If you don't want him to be your president, leave America. There are 194 other countries you can go live in.

    lololololol.jpg

  3. 1 minute ago, Maskiee said:

    Hmmmm.... Interesting read before I end my night and call it a day. Although I give you a hard time, as much as most others.... I'm here if you need me. I've been through a lot of similar things family wise, which might be reasoning to why I'd be able to help you out on this a bit more than others who don't quite understand the situation, but you have people here for you, man. Think about our little Deathrun family. Haha. You got a whole world of people that'll talk to you. Just give them a chance. Life's full of surprises, and many ups and downs, but how you choose your result of it all.... Is up to you. Best of luck, hope all goes well. ~Mask

    Thank you Maskiee. I extremely appreciate it.

  4. Well, I decided to make a serious post for once. Wow, shocking, right?

    Anyways, this is going to get madly personal, and if you don't want to read, you can stop here.

     

    So.... on to the seriousness.

     

    It all started 10 years ago (wow, still can't believe it was 10) when my mom and dad got divorced. Still, to this day, I think it is all my fault. That's when the nice #A1 depression started to happen. (Before going any further, I should state that I am the "Middle Child" between my 3 Sisters (technically 2, one is transgender, wants to be a guy), and zero brothers). I always wanted an actual brother, and when I found out my mom was pregnant with my youngest sister, while dating my *soon to be* Abusive Step-Father, I was crushed. I just wanted a brother. Ya know, someone to play video games with, or play catch, or anything brothers would do. I wouldn't have minded so much if my dad was a huge part of my life (which he isn't, still to this day), but of course, I had really nobody at all now. Even worse, I got to go through the Anxiety of moving (for the 3rd time) to a new city, a new house, a new school, and with my *then* Abusive Step-Father (same guy). 

     

    I was not ready for the change, leaving behind all of my friends from my old school (again), and being forced to meet new people and try and make friends with all of them. Turns out, all of them are dicks, still to this day (7 years later). But, of course, my mom was in love with a piece of shit guy, who was extremely abusive (mentally, emotionally, and physically). These 7 years were the worst 7 years of my life, because I had to mature way to quickly, be forced into a bunch of extra-curricular activities I never wanted to do, being put through all of the abuse, having to stand up to my own father (because of shit my "brother" did to my mom), ruining many relationships within my family, losing the trust of many people in my family, finding out that my "step-father's" family didn't like me either, thought I was a piece of shit, thought that I wasn't "good enough" for their family, and was fake to my face.

     

    Eventually (actually, early 2016), my mom and my abusive step-father got divorced, and again I was hit with the harsh reality of thinking it was all my fault they got divorced. I still do believe that to this day. Now, I am in 10th Grade, and faced with an enormous amount of depression, stress, and anxiety, all because of a deadbeat dad, and an abusive step-father to ruin my life. Even worse, they rubbed off on my mom, who now acts like a piece of shit to me, just like my abusive step-father did, and just not caring, like my dad does.

     

    I am going to be honest, I have contemplated the pros and cons of suicide, multiple times. There hasn't been a day recently where I thought: "If I bring a rope to school with me the next day, I can hang myself before I get home from school, and nobody would know until they look for me that night." My depression has gotten even worse than it normally is, because I am having reality rape me in the ass. My "High School Crush", has another guy liking her, just like I do. The weird part is the fact he got extremely jealous of me, and told me a lot of shit, that just crushed me. I felt heartbroken when I saw all that stuff he said to me. All I could think of, at the time, was "Why wouldn't she tell me this stuff? We told each other everything, but why would she tell him these things about me, and not tell me?" I was so confused, heartbroken, and just generally destroyed. I never cried so hard in my life (yes, I am a sensitive bitch), but I couldn't believe it. I wanted to ask her, but I just decided to leave her alone, and go with the guy she wanted to date. I am currently regretting that decision, but it is probably for the best, for both of us. I want her to be happy, and it seems like she is. While for me, even though I am happy for her, I am not happy myself.

     

    Anyways, if I seem a little "off" at all, you all probably know why. 

     

    Thanks for spending your time to read this, I know it's really long, I am sorry.

     

    Sincerely,

    -EJ

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  5. I have some big big news. If you played with me on Deathrun lately, you would probably know...

     

    Anyways: I am announcing my love for @Ataze, and our love will be eternal. 

    I love you Brianna. *mwah*

     

    Thank you all for reading, continue with your un-lizardlike lives. 

  6. Hey all. I just wanted to write this message concerning my activity for the next few days/weeks. I have been dealing with many personal issues as of late, and they are starting to overwhelm me and it's getting hard not to be depressed or stressed or even to be happy lately. So, I will be playing; however,  my activity might drop off in the near future, so just a heads up.

     

    Thanks for reading, and if anyone wants to get in touch with me, you can reach me via Steam.

     

    Sincerely,

     

       ~EJ

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