Chormee
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Who cares anymore...not even the one i love talks to me without me talking to them first. I feel like he can go on for days without me, and i can barely last 5 minutes.
People say "There's always someone going through worse" and i get it, and that sucks for them, but that doesn't matter at all really, doesn't fix my feelings, doesn't fix my emotions.
I've felt like this for weeks, maybe even months...without a way to vent it. I've hidden my feelings in false happiness, and making jokes and saying funny things. I've honestly been just depressed and stressed all the time. From server stuff to school stuff to other real life stuff, I've been just stressed at everything.
I'm failing at least 2 classes, my relationship is spiraling down and i have no more ideas for Hide and Seek, along with other small problems.
I used to use managing Hide and Seek as a way to escape my feelings, adding new things and working with Lua, and it's made me happy adding things and tinkering with things, but now i don't know what to do anymore with the server. Especially new things, and nothing is sparking for me. I'm a dull blob with no use anymore. Used to be full of color, but now i'm just grey.
I don't know what to do with anything, and i feel like i'm useless at this point. I don't get anything in school, and i don't get anything in life. I'm in a useless online relationship with someone i feel like i love, but i never think i'll actually see them, but i still love them, but sometimes i feel like they'd be better off without me. I love them, but i don't know if they truly feel the same. They say they do, but sometimes it doesn't feel like they mean it. He doesn't try to talk to me, and when he does, it's for 2 minutes then it's completely silent for a long time. Even just now i was talking to him and someone came in and micspammed in our TeamSpeak, and i left the thing, and i was hoping he'd say something about it, but nothing. I probably won't hear back from him until i say something to him tomorrow. We don't talk like we used to, and i'm too scared to hurt his feelings and i keep everything inside.
Everything's been a pool of just stress and hatred towards myself and my actions. I don't know what else to do anymore.
Sorry for the long status update, i just don't know where else i'd put this. Whatever though, right? Someone's worse off than me, so who cares anymore.
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At least you're getting somewhere with the person you love. The people I like usually end up stop talking to me. Just recently I was talking to this girl and now she isn't responding to me (Irl girl). She never spoke first, I would have to say something. So, im just gonna have to stay single for the rest of my life is where I'm looking at it. But, at least you can get somewhere, best of luck towards ya.
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Today i realized how terrible my school is in the math department.
We've been on this one chapter in Algebra for about a month, and i'm taking this test tomorrow in it. I had no idea what to do and the stuff still confused me, especially stuff we learned in the beginning of the chapter.
I go on Khanacademy, for not even an hour, and i understand so much stuff than i did and i'm not really nervous for this test anymore.
Shows how terrible my teacher/school is.
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I just wanted to let everyone know that regardless of the unfortunate things that happened to GFL today with the loss of two important members of the community, we can still make it through! We can do anything as long as we work as a community! We've been through worse, and we'll be okay.
I know it.
- Twig
