Apology

[Cassie 1,226 / 22,978]

Introduction
I'll start off with this is not a resignation. Not yet. I'm still considering that; a few days ago I thought I was going to resign soon, now I'm not sure. This is not a resignation. But it is an apology.
Poor time management
It's an apology because I feel like I've failed as an admin. I can't remember a time when I was active. Maybe when I first got trial admin on breach. Maybe. My only excuse for being inactive is that I'm shit at time management. I tried to balance playing other games and playing on the servers and doing school work and spending time with friends and family and practice piano and finish learning to juggle and I'm just bad at it. I've fallen out with my friends and I barely spend time with my family. I play other games all the time. I've tried to regularly play, but I just can't do it, and I'm sorry.
Depression?
The other problem is I've felt depressed, or what I think may be depression, I have no clue. I don't want to do anything really anymore, nothing is all that fun, I feel tired and stressed to grow up and do well in school and I'm still not even the best in my school with all the work I put in, I'm like number 6 in my class but I just feel like I have to be number 1, especially when the current number 1 cheats at shit and all the teachers fucking love him and expect him to be number one for the next 2 years. But I'm lazy and I don't know how to force myself to do whatever work I need to do to be better on him. But more focused on this, I've just felt depressed. A couple times I'm embarrassed to admit I thought about suicide a little more than I should have. But I don't know how to talk to my parents about it. Anyways, since I have no idea if I actually have depression or just stress because I no longer enjoy most of school or my life, I don't know what to do. I don't want to say this really because I feel like people are going to comment some kind of help that I will feel embarrassed about or not want to do, but I guess I'm really asking if I should do something about it? I've also felt a lot of self hate because I'm tired of not being who I want to be but this isn't even a case of being lazy it's a case of being physically unable to make myself socially adept and smarter and likeable and not annoying and the list goes on. Sigh. I dunno what to do. But don't worry (I'm assuming someone may be concerned for me that isn't in my family?), I'll be fine. Probably.
The Future
Anyways, back on topic, I'm just sorry. I'm sorry I can't learn how to juggle life properly. I'm lazy as fuck to be honest, but I'm also tired of doing the work that I even do. And I just don't enjoy life anymore and I don't want to be forced to do the things that I don't enjoy or even do anything that I do enjoy because it all seems so stupid and pointless. Maybe I'll resign soon, who knows. I'm going to try yet again to be active.
To summarize, I'm sorry I was never the admin that I was supposed to be. I wish I could change that. I'm going to try, though.
-Duc
P.S. This is supposed to be a serious post, any memers out there kindly go away

[Khrim 13 / 1,269]

[Akris 806 / 18,197]

Hope you get better

[Guest]

Hope you get better!

 

 

 

 

[xmi 2,770 / 32,874]

depression gang yo

[Winter 1,704 / 25,739]

i've not heard a single person complain about you in all my time here.  Hope everything goes better for ya buddy

[Royce 201 / 4,813]

Stay strong, Duc. Hope it all the negativity subsides and everything goes smoothly.

 

Just know you matter ❤️

[Alucard33rd 1,175 / 15,140]

Talking about depression.....Its the kind of thing that people who truly suffer will relate while the rest can only imagine. 

[VilhjalmrF 2,097 / 30,612]

Good luck mate. Do what's best for your well being. Love you man.

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Duc2000 said:

Depression?
The other problem is I've felt depressed, or what I think may be depression, I have no clue. I don't want to do anything really anymore, nothing is all that fun, I feel tired and stressed to grow up and do well in school and I'm still not even the best in my school with all the work I put in, I'm like number 6 in my class but I just feel like I have to be number 1, especially when the current number 1 cheats at shit and all the teachers fucking love him and expect him to be number one for the next 2 years. But I'm lazy and I don't know how to force myself to do whatever work I need to do to be better on him. But more focused on this, I've just felt depressed. A couple times I'm embarrassed to admit I thought about suicide a little more than I should have. But I don't know how to talk to my parents about it. Anyways, since I have no idea if I actually have depression or just stress because I no longer enjoy most of school or my life, I don't know what to do. I don't want to say this really because I feel like people are going to comment some kind of help that I will feel embarrassed about or not want to do, but I guess I'm really asking if I should do something about it? I've also felt a lot of self hate because I'm tired of not being who I want to be but this isn't even a case of being lazy it's a case of being physically unable to make myself socially adept and smarter and likeable and not annoying and the list goes on. Sigh. I dunno what to do. But don't worry (I'm assuming someone may be concerned for me that isn't in my family?), I'll be fine. Probably.

I have this, get help and it'll get better. I was too stubborn to ask for help but now that I finally got help it's a lot better.

[Cassie 1,226 / 22,978]

23 minutes ago, motorsteak said:

I have this, get help and it'll get better. I was too stubborn to ask for help but now that I finally got help it's a lot better.

Thanks, I guess I'll try to get myself to get help. 

Also thanks to everyone, you guys are great

Edited April 2, 2019 by Duc2000

[Astral Rogue 188 / 3,914]

It is quite unfortunate to hear about that.

I do hope you'll feel better soon.

 

And just remember that you matter to people.

The negative feelings will leave soon, with time and the right company. 

 

[TheJitFace 699 / 18,125]

Don't worry, everything will work out for you.

[Toni Bamanaboni 211 / 4,173]

23 hours ago, Korowa said:

depression gang yo

For real if you need someone to talk to feel free to ping me over discord. I really hope you get better!