Why I'm always angry all the time.

[Gustavus 16 / 484]

Hi, My Username is Gustavus Aldoggus. You may be wondering why i’m constantly angry and bitter wherever i go, and i’m here to explain that. 

 

Everywhere I go I hear honesty praised and tolerance being something everyone considers themselves to have, when in reality it could be further from the truth, or at least I've convinced myself so. I’m always terrified of saying anything true or meaningful at all to people I don't know, It feels like my heart sinks to the Mariana trench. When I was 4, my parents split and I was taken by my mother to California from Texas. For the next 4 years I lived with a mother who was negligent, an alcoholic, a whore, and a drug addict. I essentially learned nothing from school until 3rd grade. I did,however, learn very quickly the results of saying things people didn’t want to hear, but i was too young and too stupid to understand how to keep my mouth shut. During those 4 years my father was fighting for custody, and won. By the time I moved to Texas with my father I was confused, angry, and sad about everything. Why couldn’t I be like the other kids who went home to friends and family, to something happy? Why were they able to finish their sentences so easily and talk so casually? Why did everyone else know how to do math and write sentences when i didn’t even know how to use more than two digits? I’ll spare you the details and say that things kept being sub-par at best if they weren’t rapidly declining at worst, and life was usually devolved to a constant game of catch-up. So when i found social interaction on the internet when I was around 12, It blew my mind that i could say whatever i wanted to and not be punished. So I did just that. However, I never was able to push the same ground in reality. So that’s why i’m bitter all the time while i’m on, because i can’t afford to slip up and say the wrong things in my actual life. In all truth, this has made me a terrible person, not in the sense of my action, but rather my inaction with those around me, as I've become too afraid of how i think they’ll react. As of the 29th, I've finally confronted that, and confessed my near-constant suicidal thoughts and my dreads to my student counselor (In case you're curious why i haven't off'd myself yet, i already know that i'd fail and the medical conditions that can result from most methods of failed suicide would be devastating, not to mention hospitalization). Much to my delight and surprise, my over exaggerated fears of ridiculous consequences like hospitalization and aggression from my father never came to fruition. I’m going in to get help on the 3rd, and for once in my life I'm actually hopeful for the future. I’m not going to bed to end today, but to start tomorrow. 

 

I hope you enjoyed reading some angry and edgy teenager’s little sob story. 

 

Note: Obviously i'm skipping quite a bit of detail, since you don't want to be here all day now do you.

Edited January 30, 2021 by Gustavus

[Alexis 578 / 12,012]

Damn dude... I honestly don't know what to say. But, I'm glad you talked about it at least. Thanks for sharing man.

[Jamal 0 / 112]

Wow... This is not something I expected to read on a forum, but I'm glad I did read it. I hope whatever situation you're in right now get's better. One thing, try your best to enjoy life, if you read this and think "I've already tried that", you probably haven't really tried it and been honest with yourself, It's hard to do, but very worth it. When you truly just be yourself, you make true friends, and love life. I also suggest as one of my greatest tips, stop playing your computer for a few months while going through therapy, or whatever you're going to do. Just trust me on the computer thing, I don't mean don't talk to your friends on it, give up games, play peaceful ones that you and your friends can all play, or maybe do more things with people you like in real life, take the game time and spend it with friends/family you love. One last thing before I go, try your best to make non-toxic friends, I don't know anything about you or your friends, but non-toxic friends can change your whole attitude, trust me it happened to me, best decision I ever made. But anyways, I'll stop talking now, try what I said, and love life.