Alone.

[DeadAtNooN 50 / 2,936]

Hello....for those of you who don't know me my names DeadAtNooN, my real name is Cruz Meraz, I was born September 3rd 2002. I grew up with my family being attached to them, then things changed... I wanted to stay how I was, Childish, humoristic, and not having a care, but my family as I was growing up yelled at me for it, although they were the ones who taught me to be this way- Hyper genic...Even in school I was like this, but then I started to realized because of this I wasn't very intelligent having F's in almost every class, I smelled, and was childish so people made fun of me....I was very hurt when I was being made fun of, so I started becoming more offset, or dull...I was depressed, but I didn't know how to deal with depression at the time given I was Eleven so I just was sad all day....but then one day my little brother tells me to try this game called Garry's Mod. I turned down the offer because I thought It wasn't worth my time and irrelevant to my life, but a few days later I thought I would give it a try given I had nothing else to do and I had no friends to talk or hang out with. on that day I went to one server, and one server alone, and that was [GFL]Murder_minecraftcity_v4f_r2 That was the first server I ever played and I will never forget it....There were multiple people on...I don't remember exactly but I remember there was Malicious Matt, Exotic, and Charie I was on the server and I didn't know the rules at the time so I Rdmed Charie which sent her into a rage to "Roast" me and so I commented something that made her leave which made Matt and Exotic laugh and I kept saying very rude things about her, and a few days after I had gotten a mic because Matt wanted to hear me, she got back on with OtakuSupreme who was only an Admin at the time but is now a Division Leader and he muted/gagged me because I was causing trouble, and I admit that I deserve it....I probably still do...but then me and Matt became good friends, he was a Member, as we called them "a Regular" and I was a random. I soon learned the basics of how to juke really well and I learned this watching the regulars, such as [God]Dead_SoulXII(An really old name (he was also only an Admin at the time, now a Server manager) after a while I got along with Charie,  Exotic, and Shia and I started to talk to that main group because my first real friend, Matt, had left me for idk what but I realize it was probably for a good reason, and I was talking a lot with those three, next thing I know I get back on the server, and matt was acting normal, but I realized the way we acted were assholes, and I got mad at him for making fun of a girl, I went from server to server to find her to apologize to her for Matt, causing me and him to get into a fight that lasted a long time, eventually we got back along but then he had left me again...he needed to go to college...but about four months of me playing on that server not leaving, and I became the best at "Juking" I proclaimed my self the "Juking God" and I made new friends, but then Matt gets on, he was rusty and he was quite......that was the last I ever got to play on the server with him...I had made a lot of friends on the server, I was surrounded in them on the server, but then something changed, it was mid 2015 coming close to an end, and I realized that all of those friends I had made starting leaving me just like my family did, just like Matt did...they gave me so much attention that I was in a wall of delusion thinking they would always be there with me staying like the fountain of youth....I had loved them all like family...and once again my family got tired of me and moved on...In 2015 I applied for admin because I was on the server for about a year, at the time Bigtime was a manager, Deadsoul was to, and Exotic was the Head admin. I put in the application.....but no one replied....Then Bigtime says they  knew I put it in, but chose not to answer I believed that it was because we were close friends and didn't want me to become an admin because of how I was, and Bigtime puts the final decision. he said I was too young, immature and I wasn't on construct often. I'm not saying he was wrong, nor am I trying to make him the bad guy. I'm just telling you how deluded I was thinking I would make for a Good admin. In the past two years I put in five more admin applications, and they all said the same thing. I was immature, and I still am. the same thing happed with the "matt thing" but with different people...it was happening over and over again with many people..they all left me....some people like: Gamer, Zangie, psychobird25, Wszumi, Geko, Spooky, Wheatly, Brownpear, Dre, tay, kiko, kitty......I talked to all of these people constantly...I loved to talking and laughing with....but they left...I still talk to four of them...but all I do is ask if they're ok...they say yes, and then I say "ok, sorry" sometimes they asked "Sorry for what?" I told them Sorry for bothering......they don't say anything back...meaning I do bother them and they are/were tired of me.....I asked them if they were ok, but really I just wanted someone to ask if I was ok...and some of them did...those were the best friends I had..One of them actually became my girlfriend for a while, but I was again childish....the people who asked me how I was I'll never forget they were: Tay, kitty, wheatly, and brownpear.....I love you "Guy's" even though you're girls....Maybe transgendered?(¬‿¬) just kidding....but eventually they got tired of me reapeating the same words "you ok?" and even though they asked me I didn't want to bother them...but who knows..maybe if I would've told them they would have stayed and I wouldn't be alone...but I can't change that now...and I'm sorry to you girls......but in the end the people I had so much fun with left me....I even still play on the server almost everyday.... but the thing is I play alone....every so often a random joins...but that's it....but when I get off I notice people start playing, and when I get on they got to spectators or just leave...in the end I wind up how I was before...nothing to do..No one to talk to...Crying in my room...hated......Alone.....

Edited December 22, 2016 by DeadAtNooN

[Tayosaurous 153 / 4,587]

... You can not say that no one asked if you were okay.  I asked you on different occasions but the only reply I got was "Don't worry about me" You can't come on here saying that we acted like we didn't care when all you did was fucking push us away. The entire reason our relationship didn't work was bc you never told me shit about you. Plus, the only thing you ever asked was if I were okay, rarely did I get more than that. You can not expect people to initiate conversation every time you talk to them. The type of behavior you showed me was always childish. You were a cool friend in the beginning but then shit was just a repeat of the day before. Go out and do something for yourself besides sitting around waiting for people to come along. 

Edited December 22, 2016 by Tay

[DeadAtNooN 50 / 2,936]

I do admit that, and you are right, but the thing is I can't talk to people without them walking away or calling me annoying. You guys were the only ones who found me "funny". I was never cool. It was the way you perceived me, but now you're more up tight, so how can I imitate conversations with out asking if you're ok? I sit here waiting because there is no one who will accept me. I didn't push you away I just wanted certain people whom are dealing with larger situations not to worry. You can sit here typing argument, but don't you think you'd have something better to do? I can admit that I don't, so I'm respecting you in the best way I know, state the situation without trying to cause argument, and I hope this doesn't....But...Thank you for inserting your opinions, and facts. Due to your comment I'll add to my passage, for you.

[Dead_Soul 93 / 3,456]

This made me have to pee, also just saying maybe this should have been kept private.

[Tayosaurous 153 / 4,587]

It wasn't just me who felt this way. I was also discussing your behavior with another close friend of yours while writing this. Also, seeming as to you didn't like my opinion, you make it a little obvious the only comments you would be grateful for are pity comments. Do I want to argue? No. Will I? Absolutely. And actually, I am doing something else. Talking to friends, you know, the normal thing to do with them. 

Edited December 22, 2016 by Tay

[DeadAtNooN 50 / 2,936]

Correct again you are Madame, and talking to friends is something better? Isn't it?

[DeadAtNooN 50 / 2,936]

I don't remember why I posted this anymore.....ummm..fuck it, imma go back to bein batman in dickhead city. Sniff ya on the chicken nugget side